Hamburgers DON'T NEED PANTIES!

After going off the diet for some time and having been sick, horribly sick at times for months on end the wife and I have decided that after June 1st back on the diet we go.

Like any other good condemned prisoners, we ARE entitled to some "last meal" splurging before jumping headlong into the world of carrot sticks, celery stalks, and Slim Fast.

Upon opening the box on my last Burger King Whopper I was amazed to see that after eating at the King since 1968 my whopper now had paper panties.  Tonight, after unpeeling the wrapper on mt Sonic mustard #2 double cheeseburger, it too was swaddled in a tidy-whitey.

Since humans have been consuming hamburgers since seemingly the Bronze Age when cooking meat over fire was all the rage why is it that in 2012 that someone, somewhere, in a cubicle down the hall from the franchise president's office decide that my burger needed PANTIES?

INSANITY!

Evidently some Gen X/Y hipster in a wash and dry suit and slacks decide that rather than soil their $99 Caesars Palace Tie Shop tie with mustard or mayo from an on-the-go burger that NOW...EVERYONE MUST HAVE BURGER PANTIES!

Go down to any burger joint around lunch and wait for the construction/remodeling/trades guys to come in.  Easy to spot, the makings of paint, plaster, grass stains, and drywall mud cake their clothes.  Do you think these brawny manly men need BURGER PANTIES?  HELL NO!

I have even stealthfully observed fashionable upwardly mobile women in spotless business suits open the box with a glare of "what the Hell is THAT?" when tugging the white paper (already spotted with burger droppings) away and stuffing it under the tray, seemingly in embarrassment.  She doesn't want burger panties either.

So, marketing geniuses...in a world of cutting everything to the bone during The Great Recession, why are we killing extra trees to swaddle our beloved burgers in white paper panties when we have lived for decades never needing it? 

BURGER PANTIES.  Another failed example of some marketing dolt trying to fix something that isn't broken.

There's already a eon old tried & true invention that has solved any observed problem....the NAPKIN.